Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
