i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Someone came in the potted fern
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
