I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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