I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
