We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
