She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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