So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
