Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
