I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
