there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
