It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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