sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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