He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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