i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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