Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
