Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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