ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
