so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
