I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
