Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
