what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
