Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
