Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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