threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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