You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it was like eating out sand paper
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
