you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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