Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
