and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
