i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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