So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
