I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
