kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
