I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
