bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
