her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Someone came in the potted fern
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
