so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My vagina is very pro this idea
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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