3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
