uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
