i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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