im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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