bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
