dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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