My nipple is on Facebook.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
