two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
