I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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