I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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