i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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