i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
