in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Randomize
