apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
