Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
