You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if only i could text you this smell
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
where are you?
Hypothermia
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
