Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
