she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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