I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
