Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
