My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
