Me. At least after what I've been through.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
