He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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