just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
