At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
