gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
