I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
