What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
