Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I will be naked everywhere
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
