Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
false alarm. still invincible.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
