I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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