he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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