Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
